Coming to grips of your own intensions may be one of the most difficult developments a person can make. To look objectivly at what you have said, done or thought is possible, but it doesn’t come with out intentional work.

As I grow older I feel I am making progress is this area. Once when irrational feeling would set my course when others actions affected me negatively, I now take a step back and consider the implications. What am I really saying with these words or actions, and most importantly, are they actually beneficial to me and/or others.

Now as much as I feel I have made progress I fear there is still much to learn. As though coming over the first crest of a valley of hills, each increasing in size. Before climbing this first hill, I had not realised there was another right after it, and I’m imagining there will be another after the second has been ascended.

So where does that leave me. Well for the most part I feel my decisions are more concious, and wholly more conscientious. Irrational actions are a sign of immaturity, and I say that in terms of development of your personality, and in turn, your functions. I believe the first step is awareness, the ability to see when you’re making these decisions that lead to unfavourable outcomes.

So what am I really talking about here? Well I’m talking about the real life situations where you are tested by others. It may be when someones own shortcomings affect you negatively, it may be when someone doesn’t live up to your expectations or it could come from others who don’t act in a reciprocal manner.

A younger me put in these situations would allow irrational emotion to cloud my judgement and cause me to act in a manner that was spiteful and immature, essentially I would play games. The kind of games that all people play and are natural to us all. Some are healthy, but the ones I speak of now are not. They are fueled by jealousy, narcissism and rage. Character flaws that left unchecked are blights on the human race.

One can only imagine a world free of such action, a world of conscious action, not irrational and benign. This I know is a dream, human kind will never be free of such innate characteristics, as they come hand in hand with relationships and immaturity – everyone has to grow and learn.

This is no self help, but maybe I will inspire you to check your feelings at the door and wipe off the irrational and negative before coming in.


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