Relationships are generally based upon common ground, a shared interest, a bond, an understanding. Often we feel lonely when we have no one to talk to, to share our thoughts or experiences. Those around us are instrumental in our development, our self worth and our mental health.
Years ago during my schooling years I never really lacked friends, I was not overly driven to make lots but I still seemed to be able to retain enough that I was rarely alone. At the time I felt normal, in a sense that is what I felt must be normal. Years latter I have realised that I never was. I was alone, in a bubble, an alien attempting to assimilate.
Looking at my fellow peers I constantly reviewed their words, their actions, their intentions. What seemed odd to me is how uncalculated they were, the way they acted, the things they said, a lot of it just seemed idiotic.
Now I don’t wish to come across as arrogant or narcissistic, I merely wish to convey my feeling of disconnect. I was in a sense all alone. To share my thoughts would never result in any positive reaction, most likely they wouldn’t understand because of just how different we saw things. I learned that from experience.
This may appear a game of poor me, but I do not feel that way at all. At the time I desired to fit in, and I tried extremely hard to and in a lot of ways succeeded, I found a group and assimilated into their life styles, I became them, and I lost myself.
Finding myself again was a long road and I didn’t do it all on my own. Without intervention I don’t know if I ever would have found myself again.
So today, I have found myself, the Alien, assimilating to fit in, for it cannot stop, I must work, and I must socialise with those who are unlike me. Those who I must play their game, live in their world.
For me, I will put on the persona required. I will wear the experience of being this kind, this human experience, for it benefits me. It feeds my curiosities and helps me achieve my goals.
From me to you, I come in peace.
“Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” – Carl Jung