Tragedy, in all its beauty 

Tragedy, in all its beauty 

One’s life can be viewed in many different ways, depending upon which philosophical ideas you subscribe. The purpose of life, the existence of a god and what happens when you die. Not typically questions many attempt to attack and determine without doubt, but most have a general idea of what their own reality consists of.

My own reality is the absurd. It seems to me the only logical choice and is a rather satisfying answer, not only on a philosophical level but also an emotional one.

This human experience is one of complete contradiction with the universe it is played out in. In general we feel disconnected from this world, we say things like “I was born into this world” rather than saying “I was born of this world”. This represents the feeling many hold, when the things that matter to us most, meaning and purpose to our lives and a lasting impact for our labour. In return the universe offers nothing, it offers us no purpose and inevitably destroys all we create. In the face of such ideas one might find life meaningless. Personally I see it rather different, this only brings meaning to my life.

One might argue the we are all here by chance and for the most part that is exactly right. In the face of the absurd and this happenstance existence what does one do? Well, personally I find meaning in the grey, between the lines. Not just in actions or relations, but in the beauty that to me is plainly offered by this absurdity.

There is something rather comedic that it is essentially meaningless, I just have to laugh at how desperate most of us are to know there is a greater purpose for us outside of ourselves and that what we face is cold and distant, something completely inhumane, something bereft of even being able to give purpose. In a lot of ways this is rather tragic, being born with the greatest desire for something that just isn’t there, unless one subscribes to a religious narrative, that might be satisfactory for some of you, it isn’t for many.

So this leads me to the beauty. Everyone loves a good drama. A play where someone has so much desire and hope. In the end the story is pointless and boring if one does not lose it, the story would feel meaningless and lacking a plot. One might say that in this desperate search for meaning where there is none is much the same, the value that is created is immense, then to lose it or be faced by the inevitable fact there is none. Well, to me, that is just inherently beautiful. It is the tragedy inherent life. It is the beauty right before you. Now life simply may be beautiful in itself due to this tragic nature, but there is far more beauty to be found.

I find Irony is often the best form of this beauty. In the face of the absurd, to be offered ironic tragedy is, well, bizarre, and in this, comedic. When one can desire so much and to be betrayed by what you were born out of in such dramatic fashion, well, how can one not laugh at that. What a tragedy others might say about your life. Maybe you beat cancer before finding love only to die on your wedding day in a car accident. Extreme example, and many might say that there is nothing beautiful in that, and if that’s you, then you take life too seriously. I mean, it’s all meaningless, don’t let your desire for meaning play you. But back to the point, such a scenario is an epic and rather ironic tragedy. It is in these areas we find the beauty, and in that beauty we find meaning, so I implore you to not be too concerned if your life is perfect or not, wouldn’t living out a beautiful tragedy be so much more meaningful? Let’s be honest, there are many made famous by leading such lives.

So in the end we find that meaning and the lasting impact you’ve been searching for all along. In the tragedy of the human experience, all found in the face of the absurd.

Cracks and voids

Cracks and voids

My dear, what has become of you

Electric you were, a discarded robot you remain 

In my eternal now, devoid you remain
Replays of empty shelves, the dust collects 

The fear of your self being known to me, like a wedge between us which grew and grew

A divide as far one can see, a hug feels empty as any touch is in vain

Matters of the heart are simply complex, to the outsider.

Inside is a clear early morning, vivid green grass, the dew twinkling with the rising sun. Crisp cool air surrounds.

This is where to begin, again. 

A Tribute to Hermann Hesse

A Tribute to Hermann Hesse
“Romantic souvenirs had a way of attaching themselves to one when one wanted to move on, but they were not to be taken seriously.”
 After turning the final page, after reading the final page of the fifth Hermann Hesse book I have finished, I found myself fuzzy. Like in all his other published titles, I found myself fuzzy. He places me in someone else’s shoes to such a degree, that when I am finally required to take the shoe off, I look down to see a foot that is not my own.
Narcissus and Goldmund was a book, similar to Steppenwolf, that I saw myself in. While reading it with my night light on, my person not only cast a shadow on its pages, but also in its pages, in its story.
I want to discuss a quote from this book, the one written above.
This quote came from the mouth of Goldmund, a romantic character, a wanderer, living in a world like my own in which the lines between him and his surroundings are ever dissolving.
The quote above depicts Goldmund in a nutshell. It depicts the person I strive to become.
Living in a world of giving. Influencing those around you in the purest way only you can. Each person has their own capabilities and blessings they can offer everybody around them. Each person has something they can teach, inspire by. When you offer and give this willingly, without expectation nor greed, not possessing a feeling that you deserve repayment for the act, people will then gravitate.
People will become transfixed, encapsulated, shrouding you in romantic souvenirs. Attempting to hold on to the romanticism, joy and perception you have distilled into their lives. People will begin to hold on to you for that romanticism, joy and perception you have yet to distill in their lives. You, you like Goldmund must stay focused on your capabilities, being the purest you you can be, learning the most you can, teaching the most you can.
Boundless love is only found between two that stay focused on their own capabilities. Whilst offering each other all they willingly can, without expectation nor greed, while not possessing a feeling that they deserve payment from the other for their acts. A boundless love shared between two givers. Boundless love that doesn’t require for one to move on. Boundless love that realizes that learning and teaching each other is giving to each other, loving each other.

Forest

Forest

Thick dense forest consumes

Beautiful but demanding of respect

Lonely and silent, but full of wonder

A lake exists, a rare break in the endless evergreens

Each side a dinghy awaits

Many times I have voyaged

To the centre, and even beyond

I found the other dinghy, patiently waiting on the opposing shore

It was beautiful, peaceful

As it waitings for a passenger, a partner in it’s voyage

 

Again I stand before this dinghy

This time I feel

I feel nothing, not expectation, not hope

Just open

Just free

Life, the universe and everything.

Life, the universe and everything.

Homeless, to a time, to a place. Generally, just floating, disconnected. Reality not apparent in the manner you may have come to expect within your days.

Anyone who isn’t confused doesn’t really understand the situation – Edward R. Murrow

How many times can you say a word in a row before it becomes unfamiliar? Till you’re not even sure what the word is anymore. What it means, if it is even a word, let alone how you might spell it.

If you stare at an object, how long does it take before you forget what they object does?

Absurd, this is the reality you ignore. This is the world you remember to forget.

A man is talking on the telephone behind a glass partition, you wonder why he is alive – Albert Camus

When you break down, your world, your actions. What do you see? Do you see what you choose, or do you see it for what it is, the absurdity of life is hiding behind the present veneer your mind creates.

Take for example the current scientific narrative, although to describe it as a narrative is the wrong description, alas, but I digress.

The recent discovery of the Higgs particle is a great example of this narrative to explain the ridiculousness that we do exist, instead of not. The discovering of this particle proved something, as it was explained to me by the brilliant Lawrence Krauss, if you leave a beer bottle in the freezer for too long and then open it, the beer will freeze upon opening and shatter the bottle. In a very similar way the Higgs field was created, by chance, as the early universe cooled it went through a phase transition releasing energy and creating the Higgs field. Without this field, particles would be massless and the conditions required to create a universe to sustain life would not have been possible.

This random chance is not the only one, but just one of many parts of this apparently finely tuned universe. You may consider that points to intelligent design, but the more of the latest scientific narrative you learn, the more you realise that this is rather unlikely and isn’t at all logical.

Once upon a time, in some out of the way corner of the universe which is dispersed into numberless twinkling solar systems, there was a star upon which clever beasts invented knowing. That was the most arrogant and mendacious minute of “world history”, but nevertheless, it was only a minute. After nature drawn in a few breaths, the star cooled and congealed, and the clever beasts had to die – Friedrich Nietzsche

Logically speaking, it is immensely more likely that we live in a simulation, rather than in the one true existence, and ironically we would, and never will know. This coupled with the fact of mans great search for meaning and purpose, we are so desperate to find this purpose we are happy to invent and follow it blindly, just because it is easier.

As humans, we desire a cosmic order, significance for our labour, and an intelligible life. But life has no order, destroys our work and is alien to us. In short the things we want – A caring universe with which one is connected and in which we are immortal and precisely the things we cannot have. We get death – Unknown

Considering all the facts of the matter one must ponder, why go on? Well, why do you? It is a good question after all. If we consider the eternal bliss of nothingness we experienced before birth, to believe this is all we face in death isn’t much to fear. The unfortunate fact of the matter is our simple instinctual state of survival is a rather conflicting view on this ending, so much so, any different narrative in which we can exist beyond death is not surprisingly rather attractive.

In the end you must wonder, why do we exist, why something rather than nothing. Personally it is only logical to create ones own meaning to life. Although there should be one area we must agree upon, doing best for the mankind, as a whole and as induviduals, should be a drive inherent and intertwined in ones actions.

To me, if life were to have any meaning it would be to enjoy the absurdity of the journey and the poetic tragedy that is death.

Bliss

Bliss

noun

supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment:

Few occasions can live up to such a definition. Like a high mountain top typically there is some scaling to be done before such a feeling can be broached. At times just a memory can spark this epic of emotion, such memories seem to be run in slow motion, enhanced by an Instagram like filter. Like the highlight reels one might expect to see before death.
Bliss visits me in few ways, none are as strong or as obtainable as through music. There is certain music that I can reach a place I cannot in any other way. This place is hard to describe, one could certainly describe it as blissful. There is one artist, beyond all others, which takes me there. I feel it through my whole body. The haunting. The echo. The quirky. This artist, like no other, can create emotions, such feelings of bliss, or something. To call it something is a cop out word, I know this, I did try a number of words in place, but words are finite, this feeling is not. It is limitless, it is not of this physical world, one which we can describe so simply.  If one imagines the depths of their imagination, the deepest, the most unrecognisable, absurd, bizarre and unconscionable. This still is based upon this physical world and could not even compare.
Maybe this is the sublime. Beyond description, recantation and comprehension, even within the experience.
This feeling, its intensity, it makes my muscles tense, my eyes can roll back, the intense pleasure is not far removed from orgasm. I feel, strongly, the desire to bath in this, what it is, the idea, the conjuring of images, of feeling.
Immerse me in it, and I shall feel.
I shall feel, bliss.