The Balcony

The Balcony

Perched on a black decked balcony, this outdoor chair fades overtime with a neighbor. Sunburned, they would apply suntan lotion to the other’s legs and arms if only they could. My posture is most erect while sitting in the one to the left. Meditating. Leaning my arms on its arms, relaxed, I apply their dead weight, dropping my shoulders. Utilizing every ounce of support offered to this body I call my own. If you are familiar with a cheetah, the way they relax, figuratively as rock, as royalty in their tree would be a fair comparison to mind. Transient but strong. The chair in agonizing pain, pressure forced onto blistery skin, shedding and oozing similar to that of a tree and it’s bark and gum. I will varnish them this weekend for the peace of mind before we move homes in two weeks time.

These chairs are not normal chairs. Each modelling the generic”MADE IN CHINA” label stitched into the seam like any other chair found on this side of the globe. However they are the only chairs to be placed on this balcony. The balcony. Being on the best balcony would have to qualify them as being the best chairs, right?

I have never experienced such power in a space previously. I mean yes, particular spaces have a presence, as if they were screaming for your notice. As if they were imprisoned behind bars. As if they were teachers of the psyche, asking you to take that head of yours out of the sand and just open the eyes. I sense this presence, importance, an energy in many places. Is it just me? Well I hope not. Such a beautiful thing is made to be shared. My heart lightens, conscious awareness of my slow, composed breath suddenly strikes me. A sense of knowing, of clear understanding prevails. Associated with emotions and what I can only comprehend are the emotions which individuals have had in the same space before and to come. This balcony is one of those spaces, and more.

Looking down on a cities streetlights.

Looking up to a sky illuminated by our moon, making certain stars vanish as if they were the to-be winners of the planetary hide-and-go-seek competition.

We leave our energy on our spaces. My friends, family and I have left ours on this space. I have developed, realized, awakened, learned, failed and learned again as an individual. Everything in my life, everything  I am has changed, morphed, leveled up, eroded down and appeared with this balcony. This balcony is my energy. This balcony is my life. I changing it, it changing me.

My next balcony will be shaped by the same two Chinese chairs, distilling the same back posture in its occupants. Always there to offer friends, family and I the support we need through our joys, heartbreak, annoyances and smiles. Varnished.

It will be solely missed and longed for.

 

 

 

My Darkness

My Darkness

I know myself, the ongoing search.

Further into the darkness of my own mind.

Searching, not finding.

On hands and knees with no lantern, no flashlight at my aid.

This cave of comfort.

 

As soon as you walk back into my life.

I find myself stumble.

Trying to find my way out of this labyrinth.

Trying to meet you at the entrance.

I find myself rushing.

 

With you in my life.

You are on the center stage.

I am no longer in the darkness of me.

But in the spotlight on you.

Losing myself, giving too much.